In the past two years I have spent the summers at a country house I have.
Only to realise I am not hardcore city person nor rural person.  The two defining pieces of landscape in those two cases being the mall where I only go when I have something I really need to get & that is painting materials as opposed of the rural where they have their rebranded on current calendars the old feasts of the works of the land which are of such low quality & convey & celebrate actually nothing.
The music I listen is always alternative & countercurrent be it classical be it soothing be it techno be it rock alternative. But I have to find the mental space for that in an array of situations that seldom allows it.
I love sensical lyrics that try to convey something.
The reason I mention this is because I was always on alternative pathways.
In politics nor the hardcore left nor right in social issues nuances in life business or doing something when most enroll in pulling for somebody else.
How to fix the world no longer concerns me when so little of my pathways remain protected today .
As a way of running things civil society should have worked but is inexistent.
Civil society which does not oppresses but allows.
But by failing to position themselves on topics most have abandoned the discussions so necessary on running things well. By being full of themselves self interested or limited & narrow minded in views.
The spheres should have always been well delimitated public private online offline mine vs yours.
& created safe spaces for each of these.
Instead there is an amalgamation.
What my activities were as opposed of large consumption were niche & personalised. Nothing that the current world sees as being ” useful” also being the case where beauty is not a commodity.
The towns go on a double dynamic spreadshitting & utilitarism efficiency productivity of communist origin.
The rural goodness knows what they are.
The middle way having been sapped.
Between too fast paced & too slow. Never finding the adequate rhythms.
Between profiteering & useless
Between all those things that those that build up this dystopian world have missed in their run to secure themselves in too well known ways with the false ambition of actually unachieving ambitions.
That is your world devoid of meaning & sense that keeps merry go rounding.
Where sense is achieved individually after exploring the ups & downs of different pathways into seeing where you find most of your own. But your world is choking even that
& on the pragmatic side the making & spending of money which are long lost arts.
In today’s climate of tensions polarisation & ways with deep dogmatic & fundamentally flawed deeply rooted in the workings of the system by which most abide.
Sincerely.
Olivia J.

The world is a burden. Most people when you deal with them make it even more so. It is in the essence of their beings to be such. Not because of a particular reason just because they don’t seek else. The world is harsh enough per se to not make it any more than that. Most will never understand.

After a decade & a half of working & being out of debt I should have proudly said that is the way to do it. Only there was one more element necessary. To capitalise on the already created works, take it to wealth building & thriving. Which for a variety of reasons did not happen very few within my control.

It is a later October day & temperature is as in June . That is abnormal.

I think of the reasons I drive myself & they are justified. I also question why others don’t question & change more. But I am not imposing upon them my views & ways nor should they.

Olivia

I used to keep dried flowers, I still do.

Somehow their tiny fragile figures in the vases I place them add to the sense that too often fragility & delicacy forgotten in the run for many things are as important as anything else.

The world in which many find their own today with it’s raw concrete & heinous unnatural shapes is of a materialism which forgets that beauty is ephemeral delicate & immaterial.

Understandably for many this might seem difficult.

If they ever cared about anything else than the standardized norm….

I have stopped trying to change the world & it’s ways. Nobody really tried either. Each was supposed to understand & do the changes so they never did. But there are defenses that need be upheld to prevent the ugly side of life prevailing. Not many would understand or accept that there is alot of ugly underneath. Just keeping alive what is worth it .

Olivia